A Few Sherbets With Boris

An invitation dropped in my email inbox last week to attend a drinks reception with Boris Johnson in England. I’m not sure of the location and venue as yet as they keep these things pretty private until the last minute but as I like a giggle and an adventure, I thought I’d accept.

I booked my flights earlier today so I will be jetting off on my travels again next week. This also gives me an opportunity to visit my family and to catch up with friends so I’m really looking forward to it.

Duncan Oldham

However, I only wear suits if I have to appear before The Beak so I’m afraid Boris will have to make do with me in my customary black DKB attire: I like to be stealthy!

Talking of The Beak, you may recall I had to appear in Court last year accused of using my mobile phone while driving on a visit to the UK a couple of years ago. It was an allegation that I denied and I opted to represent myself in Court at trial. The Crown Prosecution Service didn’t bring any mobile phone records (although I did) or any evidence to support the claim against me.

The police officer told me at the time of the alleged offence that I would be wasting my time contesting it as no Court would believe my word over his. He even mocked me on the police radio to another colleague when I said I was going to challenge it.

He quipped: “Oldham’s going to challenge it, so we’ll get a day out and at the end of it he’ll be disqualified!”

I already had 6 points on my licence for 2 minor speeding offences and if found guilty of this offence I would have received a further 6 points and then for subsequently having 12 points, a ban would have followed.

After the Prosecution presented their so called case against me, I put a ‘no case to answer’ submission to the Court citing the case of Regina v Galbraith (1981) as the police officer said he was only 70-80% sure he had seen me holding my mobile device. After about 30 minutes, the Magistrates agreed that there was no case to answer and it was thrown out of Court before I even got to submit my defence. I knew everything was going to turn out well that day when I discovered that the Lead Magistrate on the bench was called Mr Bacon 🤣

The police officer did get his day out in Court but he absolutely owned himself and made himself look a complete fool. I have a great deal of respect for the police with both my father, and his, having served as senior police officers. My old man served for 33 years and I was brought up within a police environment. This young copper, however, had a terrible attitude and had I believed him that I stood no chance in Court, I’d be sat here disqualified today. What hurt me in his statement that he submitted to the Court was a closing sentence that said I had no regard for the Law whatsoever. Basically he was implying that I was anti-Police. That hurt because as a young lad at school I was bullied for being a “copper’s nark” and even through my teenage years, people were having digs about my Old Man. I have nothing but respect for the Police, however, I won’t be bullied by someone just because they’re wearing a uniform and I certainly won’t tolerate anyone in authority talking to me like I’m some unintelligent no-mark. I’m switched on and I wasn’t going to take his shit. Like I told him on the day, his job was to fill out the paperwork and not tell me what a Court would decide.

The reason I raise this case again was because last week the Court awarded me £800 in costs to cover my flights and costs etc in relation to the whole saga, costs which would have been considerably higher had I not represented myself. A complete waste of tax-payer’s money all because some young copper wanted to play with his ‘blues and twos’. I’m not for one minute suggesting he deliberately lied but if he wasn’t sure, he should have listened to what I told him at the time instead of giving it the Big I Am. Anyway, he got his day out and I had a few beers for my trouble. Gracias amigo!

So, hopefully the suit won’t be coming out again any time soon. Boris will have to do make do with me as I am. I only put effort in when it warrants such and trust me, that isn’t very often 😁

Duncan Oldham